Most likely wherever you are in this world, life has returned, or is in the process of returning, to something resembling a pre-COVID-19 state of normalcy. Businesses are open, work is being conducted in offices, students are sitting in classrooms, people are gathering for events such as concerts, bars are busy etc. Masks are no longer required in many places, and overseas travel is no longer a future possibility, but something you can embark on at any time. As 2022 nears its end, most of us who are fully vaccinated and have likely developed some form of immunity from earlier infections, are probably thinking the worst of the coronavirus is behind us.
And then there is China. As I write this post, most businesses in our district (Chaoyang 朝阳区) remain shut. Restaurants and supermarkets are still open, but the former are not offering inside dining, only delivery and takeout orders. My daughter's classes have moved online, as have my Mandarin lessons. And all because the government here stubbornly adheres to its Zero-COVID policy. It may be 2022 in your part of the world, but for those of us in Beijing 北京 it feels a lot like 2020.
After nearly three years of lockdowns, throat swabs and health kit apps on mobile phones, many Chinese seemingly have had enough. If you've been following the news, you no doubt have read and seen stories of people in the streets demanding change. Some of the demonstrations apparently took place close to our residential compound, but we haven't heard or seen anything. In fact, the only times I've been outside this week are to go to the embassy to check email and pick up any packages that have arrived. Otherwise, life here is very much like it was when were on authorized departure in Arlington back in 2020 - too much time spent indoors and online. I would go take walks outside except that late November/early December in Beijing turns out to be pretty chilly - at night the temperature has dipped to as low as -10°C (14°F). And because of the travel restrictions put in place by the Chinese government, we can't just simply book a trip to somewhere warmer in the region, like Thailand.
The above paragraphs might appear to set the stage for an in-depth analysis of the challenges facing China as it struggles to keep up with the spreading Omicron variants, namely by fighting the current war using the now-failing strategies from previous conflicts. But that isn't going to happen. Instead, what follows is a reaction post of sorts to a video from one of the more entertaining vloggers on Japan, Chris Broad (he's a lot less giddy than many of the Western YouTubers who think they are "introducing" Japan). The latest post on his Abroad in Japan YouTube channel, 12 Things I HATE about living in Japan, explores exactly what the title implies, a dozen aspects about Japanese life that he finds annoying ("hatred" does seem a tad much, probably meant more for clickbait that as an accurate description of his feelings).
An unabashed Japanophile, the Land of the Rising Sun and I have had a not-always friendly relationship that spans more than thirty years, going back to the Japanese history and cultural anthropology classes I took in college as part of my East Asian Studies minor. Life, travel and work have taken me from the northern island of Hokkaidō 北海道 to the some of the southern islands in Okinawa Prefecture 沖縄県, with an important chunk of my life spent living in Tōkyō 東京. Once (if) it becomes possible to travel outside of China again, I intend on returning to Japan for some much needed leisure (hopefully with Amber along for the journey) at the earliest possible moment.
But despite the fondness I feel for the country and its people, I try to resist putting on the rose-tinted spectacles. When one "influencer" on Facebook states that he can't think of a single place in Japan that he wouldn't want to visit, I find myself replying, pointing out the dystopian factory complexes you find in cities like Kawasaki 川崎, Kitakyūshū 北九州 and Yokkaichi 四日市 - mesmerizing at night, but spewing out noxious fumes the rest of the time (and I should know, as my wife and I lived for a year and a half in Yokkaichi, home to a notorious pollution-related disease). I'm frequently a target of abuse from the weeaboos who are none too amused to find their often-ridiculous (not to mention erroneous) impressions of Japan challenged by someone who has actually been to the country. So it was that I was interested in watching what Chris Broad had to say about some of the less-favorable aspects about life in Nippon. And I found myself agreeing to some extent with some of his observations. But rather than preparing an exhaustive list of what I've found frustrating or irritating about Japan, I've decided instead to add my two yen worth to what Mr. Broad has to say.
After all, there's nothing else to do here in Beijing at the moment (other than study for my progress evaluation next week, but who wants to do that?), so away we go...
1. Hostess clubs キャバクラ
No, we're not talking about "them there geesha girls" that your grandfather used to go on about when he talked about the time he was stationed in Japan during his army days. But my experience with hostess clubs is very limited to the one time when my private students at Tokyo Gas 東京ガス took me to a bar in Shimbashi 新橋. This club "specialized" in Chinese hostesses, meaning all the women were allegedly from China, Hong Kong and Taiwan, and were all wearing variations on qipao. Everything was brightly lit and there were no suggestions of anything untoward taking place. I rather enjoyed the experience, especially as I was being treated by my students and so didn't have to pay.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that hostess clubs have never bothered me. My first Japanese girlfriend, in fact, was a hostess working in a high-end bar in the Ginza 銀座 district when we first started dating. Trying to explain to my parents what she did for a living proved to be a challenge, however.
My only other direct experience with a hostess club took place in Taiwan. A couple of friends took me to what they called a "talking bar", a corrugated tin shack located on Beiping Road 北平路 in Taichung 台中. Our attractive young hostess was wearing a tank top and shorts instead of a tight-fitting dress, but the concept was the same - to chat us up and stroke our egos in order to get us to order more Taiwan Beers 台灣啤酒. Not knowing any Mandarin at the time, I soon found the entire experience to be more dreary than titillating.
2. Karaoke カラオケ
I despised karaoke when I first went to Japan. Having to listen to drunks massacre songs I was unfamiliar with combined with forcing others to listen to me tunelessly croon the same tired selection of English songs wasn't my idea of a fun evening out. That was until I started going to karaoke boxes after work with other gaijin teachers and a few Japanese coworkers. These establishments had a decent collection of modern Western pop/rock tunes, and fueled by Japanese beer, I could understand the camaraderie that arose from belting out the hits together. That was back in the day when I could hit the high notes in "The Lion Sleeps Tonight". I also have hazy memories of tackling Bobby Byrd's part on "Sex Machine". Those were the days, my friend...
…and then I moved to Taiwan and learned to hate karaoke all over again. Chalk it up to karaoke spots with the only English-language songs being Carpenters' tunes, and the absence of taking turns at the microphone that is more common in Japan - one person would inevitably hog the limelight for most of the evening. And it certainly doesn't help that many evenings at my Taiwanese relatives' places end up with the karaoke machine being turned on.
3. Toilet Bidets ビデ
I had a similar experience with the bidet function. In my case, I was at a love hotel (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) when nature called. After completing a Number One, I looked in vain for a handle to flush the liquid contents down the drain. Not knowing at that time how to read the labels, I started pressing buttons on the console, hoping one of them would trigger the flushing function. Instead, this metal bar slowly protruded into the interior of the toilet bowl. As I stood there watching, a jet of water began spraying on my leg. It took some more frantic button-pushing before the bidet retracted and I could dry myself off.
Since that time, however, I've learned to love the washlet ウォシュレット, and yearn to have one of my own someday.
Since that time, however, I've learned to love the washlet ウォシュレット, and yearn to have one of my own someday.
4. MOS Burger モスバーガー
This is the one topic where my opinion differs almost completely. I've always liked MOS Burger - the patties are made to order, and for me are quite tasty. Yes, Freshness Burger is better. But MOS is far superior to other Japanese burger chains, especially Worst First Kitchen. And besides, I have fond memories of eating at a MOS Burger in Taiwan with my daughter before her weekly water familiarization classes.
However, I will say that MOS Burger has had some fairly nauseating-looking items on its menu over the years, none of which I've been brave enough to try. Burdock root burgers? Konnyaku juice? Perhaps Chris is onto something here, after all...
5. Pachinko パチンコ
I'm in complete agreement here. Pachinko is one of those Japanese enigmas that I've never been able to figure out. Sitting for hours in an incredibly noisy, uncomfortably lit interior, inserting ball after ball into the machine in order to win more metal balls, all the while either chain-smoking cigarettes or inhaling the Mild Seven (now called Mobius) exhalations of your fellow players. And there there's the knowledge that the money spent could wind up supporting the regime in North Korea.
I've only tried playing Pachinko once, years ago in the Gunma Prefecture 群馬県 countryside, and utterly failed to see what the attraction was (other than the money, of which I didn't win any). But to each their own - I had an Australian friend in Tokyo whose favorite pastime was whiling away the hours at her local pachinko parlor.
6. Tokyo Go-karts
I've never tried and never will*. My closed-minded distaste for these contraptions is two-fold: 1.) They represent the younger generation of Westerners who discovered Japan and its culture by way of anime アニメ, manga 漫画 and video games コンピューターゲーム, and therefore make me feel old. Back in my day, Tokyo didn't have Mario go-karts, and you went to Akihabara 秋葉原 to buy electronics, not to play silly games with a young woman dressed in a maid outfit and speaking to you in an anime-sounding squeal. Hey, you kids, turn down that noise you call "music" and get the hell off my lawn!
Full disclosure - my initial impressions of Japan were formed from watching Speed Racer cartoons and Godzilla movies during childhood, so I'm not that far removed from today's crop of Japanophiles. But there is reason 2.) The discomfort that comes from watching other foreigners make absolute tools of themselves in front of the Japanese. If you want to dress up in a video-game outfit and annoy Japanese drivers on the streets of Tokyo, go ahead. Just give me enough time to put some distance between us.
(This also reminds me of the time I went to see a famous fertility festival in Kawasaki, during which a giant dick float is pulled along the streets. When I went there with a different Japanese girlfriend, I was embarrassed to find that I was one of many gawking gaijin in attendance, a fact that Ayumi kept pointing out to me. Ever since I've tried to avoid being the voyeuristic foreigner taking endless photos of "exotic festivals" in foreign lands).
*One caveat, however - should I ever be in Tokyo with Amber and she expresses a desire to drive one of these contraptions around Shibuya 渋谷, I will probably be the dutiful dad and join her. God help me if it should turn out to be quite a lot of fun.
7. Purikura プリクラ
Over the years I've been bemused by the throngs of schoolgirls having their photos taken in these small booths, but it's never bothered me. I think I'm more surprised that, in an era of smart phone filters, this is still a thing in Japan.
8. Always an outsider 外人
I don't understand why this didn't kick off the hate list - it would top mine. The most difficult aspect of life in Japan for me was the constant reminders that I could never truly belong, that I would forever be a foreigner, a gaijin. I resented having to always carry with me an Alien Residency Card that included my fingerprint, as if I were some sort of criminal, which in some peoples' eyes I suppose I was. Like the young man who started chatting to me in a friendly manner at a disco party only to then ask me if I had any marijuana because, you know, being a Westerner I always carried illegal drugs on my person. Or the manager of the Jiyūgaoka 自由が丘 branch school who, when faced with a series of thefts from the staff room, questioned all the foreign teachers, asking us point blank if we had taken the money. None of the Japanese staff were questioned. Had the manager bothered to look over the time cards first before leading the interrogations, he would have quickly discovered that not one of the gaijin staff had been present on all the days when the thefts occurred. It would later turn out the thief was one of the Japanese instructors.
I really enjoyed living in Tokyo, Okazaki 岡崎 and Yokkaichi. In many respects the lifestyle suited someone of my temperament - unlike the popular stereotype, this American tends to be quiet, isn't under the impression those around me need to know what I think about the issues of the day, and doesn't like to start personal conversations with random strangers (in other words, the antithesis of what the Foreign Service Institute expects from its language students). I recall one of my students telling me I was "very Japanese". He didn't mean it as a compliment, but I took it that way nonetheless. I truly wanted to contribute to Japanese society, but was always left with the feeling that I was only a guest who shouldn't have to do anything to help out.
Now that I'm only an occasional visitor to Japanese shores, being an outsider is no longer an issue. Instead, it was left to the Taiwanese to remind me that I could never be anything other than an Other in their society. In many respects, it was a more unpleasant experience, as comparatively more Taiwanese didn't hesitate to point out to those around them of the presence of a hairy barbarian (in my case from the neck down) in their midst. I'll never forget the young bitc cun woman who was literally rolling on the floor of the tea stand where she was working, laughing her head off at my feeble attempts to order a milk tea using my limited Mandarin. If there's any justice in this world, soon after her boyfriend would've knocked her up, then left her to be a single mother, doomed to work a series of dreary, low-paying jobs, all the why wondering why the Taoist gods shattered all her dreams.
Now that I'm older and presumably wiser, I can accept being the perpetual outsider, as long as I can be left alone to enjoy whatever it is I may be doing at any particular time (generally speaking, something more likely to happen in Japan that in Taiwan).
9. Modern architecture 近代建築
I can understand and sympathize with C.B.'s feelings on this topic. While there are occasional gems to be found (like Shinjuku's 新宿 Mode Gakuen Cocoon Tower モード学園コクーンタワー), Tokyo's skyline is taking on a generic sheen. But here I would like to shift the focus from central business district atmospheres (and in some ways, the modern skyline around Tokyo Station 東京駅 is actually an improvement over the not-too-distant past) to Japan's overall urban appearance. Which is, in a single word, drab. Visit almost any Japanese city large or small, and once you're away from the main tourist area, you will find yourself in an environment of low-rise, indistinct concrete dwellings. Even a city like Kyōto 京都 looks indistinguishable from most other Japanese urban areas once you move away from the historic districts. The suburbs are even blander, with their identical housing tracts, and strip malls featuring the same chains and franchises you see elsewhere in the country. Call it the Americanization of Japan, if you like, minus the petty crime, and with better dining options.
10. Ekiben (train bento) 駅弁
No strong feelings on this subject, other than to say ekibens are one of those things I've found difficult to understand what the excitement is all about. Japanese TV shows make a big deal of celebrities traveling to famous sightseeing spots and gushing over how 美味しい their particular noted ekiben tastes. While I've enjoyed some tasty takeaways while riding on trains, I don't think I would ever choose to visit a particular destination solely to sample its famous boxed lunch (take that, Taiwan's Fenqihu 奮起湖!). Most of the bentō 弁当 meals that I've had on trains have been unexceptional, satisfying the hunger but usually doing no more than that (and I don't particularly relish eating cold rice). I would be just as satisfied in many cases with bringing some takeout from the station MOS Burger branch on board to consume!
11. Fruit sandwiches フルーツサンド
I wasn't even aware these existed until I watched the video. In the interests of being open-minded, I would give one a try just to see what it tastes like.
12. Japanese television 日本のテレビ番組
Our YouTuber is most concerned with the way gaijin are depicted on Japanese TV, and justifiably so. I also used to get irritated at seeing the never-ending supply of foreigners willing to make fools of themselves for the greater Japanese public. There were also more serious concerns, such as a notorious "documentary" that purported to show innocent Japanese women being taken advantage of (sexually) by スケベ外人. Only it turned out at least one of the foreigners appearing on the program was an actor who was led to believe he had been cast in a TV drama. The scandal was uncovered by the English-language media in Japan as the scenarios being presented as real just did not seem plausible...to a non-Japanese audience.
But I'm going to cast my net wider and bitch about the quality of Japanese TV in general. I've often been told I should improve my skills in whichever language I happen to be studying by immersing myself in Chinese, Russian, Ethiopian etc. TV dramas and other programs. I have friends who became proficient Japanese speakers in part by watching television programs in the language, but my patience, and tolerance for the inane, is razor-thin at best. With the exception of national broadcaster NHK, commercial TV in Japan is dominated by mindless drivel in the form of gossipy morning "wide shows", unbelievable and formulaic dramas, and unbelievably stupid game and quiz programs. The only shows I could tolerate (other than baseball and soccer games) on the commercial channels were travel programs because I could at least enjoy the scenery between shots of so-called tarento タレント eating aforementioned ekiben.
Like much I've been griping about on this post, advanced age has had a mellowing effect. I've discovered a handful of entertaining programs on Netflix such as Midnight Diner 深夜食堂, Samurai Gourmet 野武士のグルメ and Aggretsuko アグレッシブ烈子, and bemoan the fact they weren't on the air when I was living in Japan. However, at our residence here in Beijing, we have several Japanese channels on our cable package and it's apparent not much has changed since the mid-aughts. Only the NHK channels are worth watching - the rest broadcast the same kind of inane programs as before. If anything, the fare has gotten worse - at least when I first arrived in Japan in the late 1980's, there were some very, ahem, interesting shows on the air after 11 p.m. Those seem to have long ago disappeared, apparent victims of increasing prudishness.
But most things are relative. TV in Taiwan is even worse, mainly because so many programs are bad rip-offs imitations of already bad Japanese shows. And if you're wondering about the fare on offer in China, if you enjoy watching cartoonish war dramas showing brave (and handsome) Chinese soldiers single-handedly taking on and defeating the entire Imperial Japanese Army, you should book a flight to China once the border restrictions have been lifted. I guess those history books I read informing me that the fighting in China didn't end until the atomic bombs had been dropped on Hiroshima 広島 and Nagasaki 長崎, and the Red Army invaded Manchuria, are all just agents of capitalist propagandists.
I've linked Abroad in Japan's video both above and below, so you should have a look if you're interested in things Japanese. It wasn't my intention to create my own list of dislikes for this post, but I couldn't resist, so the following are a few things (in no particular order) that I've found annoying over the years:
Poorly insulated houses
Traditional Japanese homes were built with the heat of summer in mind, which helps to explain the thin walls and paper-screen doors, elements meant to keep the occupants cool. After all, in winter you could add clothing layers and get the fire in the hearth going if you needed warmth. Unfortunately, most modern house designers in Japan seem to be traditionalists. The lack of sufficient insulation in the walls means rooms can get extremely cold in the middle of winter - I can remember stepping out of a living room in a house in Matsumoto 松本 and into the hallway, and immediately seeing my breath as the temperature indoors started to match the -10° C conditions outdoors.
People cope with kotatsu tables 炬燵, air conditioners with heating functions and kerosene heaters. In Tokyo I would use an electric space heater in my room, and slept on top of an electric blanket that I placed upon my futon 布団 (not the smartest thing to do, but I was cold!). In Yokkaichi, Shu-E and I had an aircon to warm the bedroom, and a kerosene heater to keep the living room toasty, with comfort triumphing over the smell of the oil. We also had a small space heater under the computer desk, though our cat stupidly slept too close to it one time and set his fur on fire.
The heat and the humidity
Japan certainly isn't unique in this regard. But having grown up in the hot but dry semi-desert climate of California, I wasn't prepared for what was lying in wait that first summer in Tokyo. I was stunned the first time I saw steam rising from the asphalt following a summer downpour. Somehow I managed to survive three summers in Tokyo with only an electric fan to keep me cool in my room until I finally scraped up enough yen to have a proper air conditioner installed.
人山人海 ("People mountain, people sea" as they say in Mandarin)
With Tokyo still the world's most populous urban area, it should come as no surprise that there are a lot of people on the streets and in the stores. Other metropolises like Ōsaka 大阪 and Nagoya 名古屋 aren't much different - I'll never forget my daughter in all her innocence amazed at all the people moving about in Fukuoka's 福岡 Hakata Station 博多駅. Just wait until I can show her Shinjuku 新宿駅 or Ikebukuro Stations 池袋駅 during rush hour!
While all these people make Japan's large cities pretty exciting places to be (especially in the night life districts), it can make it hard to find an open table in a café or Mister Donut at 2:30 on a weekday afternoon.
No privacy as a foreigner
38 million people live in the greater Tokyo metropolis region, and yet invariably on a Monday morning in class one of my students would say that they saw me in (insert neighborhood name here) during the past weekend, usually in the company of an attractive female (ah, those were the days...). Even before I became a diplomat, I felt I had to be on my best behavior at all times.
Small nation mentality
Like Chris Broad, I was pretty tired of hearing about Japan and its four seasons (though I quickly started missing those "unique" distinctions after moving to the warmer climes of Taiwan). But I also wearied of listening to Japanese talk about how small their country is, especially in comparison to continental behemoths like Australia and the United States. But with 378,000 square kilometers (146,000 m²), including nearly 30,000 kilometers (almost 18,500 miles) of coastline, the nation ranks as the 63rd largest in the world. Overlaid on a map of North America, the country would stretch roughly from Montreal south into the Gulf of Mexico. Japan is bigger than most EU nations. It takes up to six hours to travel by bullet train between Tokyo and Hakata. Taiwan would fit comfortably inside the island of Kyūshū 九州. I could go on, but I think the point has been made.
Politeness
Japan is renowned for its civility, and rightly so, though the 125 million or so Japanese are still human beings, and among them you will find the same rude, self-centered, bigoted assholes you encounter everywhere else in the world. There are also murderers, rapists and thieves, one of whom stole a bike of mine from in front of my apartment. But Japanese society is built on various levels of politeness, which play a large role in making life in the country comparatively less stressful. But what would sometimes get under my craw was the ritualized politeness you find in certain companies and offices. More specifically, the polite expressions used in rejecting any special requests made by a customer such as myself. The dictionary might state that 申し訳ありません is a formal way of expressing apology, but to me it would often translate as "We are not going to make any extra effort to satisfy your request even though we could in fact do so, but we will say 'no' in a very ritualized manner so as not to anger you".
And there you have it. Japan continues to be an ongoing interest, a source of endless fascination, and the site of some very momentous events in my life. My interactions with Japanese from almost all ranks of life (I still haven't met a member of the Imperial family) have been largely positive. Though far from fluent in the language, I have the skills for daily life (thank god I didn't study Japanese at FSI or I wouldn't even know how to shop at a Lawsons). My wife would say I have too many books on Japanese history, and though I have visited too many places to remember (though I do have a list), there is still a lot of travel left to do (I've only been to 42 of the 47 prefectures). Clearly I'm a Japanophile.
But I'm not a weeaboo, if my understanding of the term is accurate (I'm certainly not obsessed with anime or manga). I've had my fair share of unpleasant experiences in Japan and with Japanese people (the fault for some of which admittedly lies with yours truly). But for me, the bad and the ugly are no more or less important than the good, and all must be considered to truly appreciate the whole (not that I would ever claim to "understand" Japan a la some social media influencers). Over time I have learned not to be bothered by the power lines strung in front of the 17th-century pagoda, to accept the presence of the power station in the otherwise scenic bay, and to shake my head upon coming across discarded household appliances beside the hiking trail and then continue walking toward the peak. But at the same time I do not pretend these things do not exist. Those that do are the type who would step over a homeless person in order to get some Instagram shot of a vending machine, then get angry when told there are street people living in Japanese cities.
They are the ones I like to annoy.
⛩️
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